Freshman year, as literal as its name is, is supposedly the year of a fresh start, fresh goals, and everything else fresh and new. High school used to seem to be intimidating for me; however, a spark of excitement and curiosity has caused the fear to fade. Nonetheless, as a person who is indecisive and low on self-esteem, high school is definitely a challenge, because it compels me to make decisions. To others, it’s called freedom; to me, it’s a type of torture and enjoyment at the same time. The freedom to make decisions enables me to go for what I really want to achieve, but the fear of failing ceases me to do so. Also, with such freedom, comes more responsibilities. You’re responsible for the opportunities you decided to seize, for the step you took out of your comfort zone, and for the worst possible situation that could happen. And, with all the responsibilities above, there’s no turning back, not at all. 

            I’ve figured getting good grades as the most important aspect of my life in this phase, but I’m never really proud of this matter of fact. I never really asked myself: what are good grades for? At first I firmly believed that it’s just part of my obligation, but as I grew up, I start to wonder the reason why I’m striving for good grades. As I acknowledged the benefits good grades brought me, which include fame, friends, and respect, I doubt myself a lot more since I suspect all the friendships I own today, more or less, are somehow tied with the good grades I achieve. Maybe they’re not, but who knows? I don’t have much faith in myself. 

            The overwhelmed insecurity in me is often unexposed to  the world, possibly because my name or the reputation I have. Therefore, this year, I want to tell myself to consider about “me” more. Along with some accomplishments I want to make, what I’m really looking for is to adjust my mentality to make it healthier. This year, instead of academics, I expect to challenge myself in athletics and arts as well. 

• To join Cadenza: I want to join Cadenza Club this year since I really enjoy myself when I’m singing. Being able to join is like a form of approval. Also, if I really get into Cadenza, I would have chances to sing in front of a crowd. Most importantly, this enables me to step out of my comfort zone and  show people what I’m really capable of. 
• Charity Sell / Setting up a club:  As some friends and I hosted a charity sell last semester, I would like to do it again. Moreover, I want to make such event an annual one by setting up a club, in which people who consider themselves to have artistic skills can create artworks and sell them as a contribution to the society. As we sell our artworks, we are not only demonstrating our uniqueness to the school, but also trying to give back to the society.
• Trying out for soccer: Soccer is one of the few sports that I have some confidence in. Athletics is just not something I’m capable of, and in fact, according to my parents, it sort of runs within the family. Even though I enjoy myself on the field/court a lot, I just don’t really have the skills. Therefore, I want to challenge myself by trying to achieve such goal. To achieve such goal, I’m going to practice as much as I can before the season starts.
• Strive for good grades: As what I would always do, I hope I can try to maintain my grades throughout high school. However, I expect myself to have a more positive attitude and better time management. While trying to maintain good grades, I don’t want to do so on the expense of my health. Also, I want to remind myself to maintain good grades only for myself and college applications instead of the thought or desire to be more acknowledged. Besides maintaining good grades, I want to force myself to try my best to not resubmit an assignment and to not turn in a single assignment late.
• Improving my public speaking skills: Even though I think I’m already training my public speaking skills in MUN and WSC, I want to be even more confident on the stage when I speak. I need to always remind myself to affirm with my own ideas and myself first. I mean, who would agree with you if you don’t even believe in yourself?