Hello there. Disclaimer: this blog post has nothing to do with my college essay. I just think this out of blue.
After reading the following two paragraphs, I am 100% sure that you’ll ask this question: Who is she? And my job is to give just enough clues so that 99.9% of you will guess her identity incorrectly. One thing before we move on: she was my green light (not in Gatsby-Buchanan soap drama sense), the light that is no longer visible.
Back in elementary school, I would finish off all my homework, attend to all of my duties, and then… take a sneak peak at her. Why wouldn’t I? I made my first eye contact with her dreamy eyes, first physical step toward her fading back, and first legible phrase about her silver hair. Today was no different; she was there, still the same figure, still equally perfect. Actually, that’s an understatement.
As a kid, I always wondered why God forgot to close a window for her: her intellectual acuteness easily paralleled to that of Albert Einstein’s; her caring sentiments bore a close resemblance to that of Mother Teresa’s; and her mastery of the rhetorical triangle transcended all politicians. With all these qualities, she could easily become the most popular and powerful person in the world when she graduates from an Ivy League of her choice, yet she preferred sitting next to me and felt somewhat resigned by my incompetence.
That’s all. If you feel so compelled, please take a guess on her identity, and if you get it right, I’ll buy you two bags of chips (I’m not kidding, as long as you give me your mailing address).
She is not my sister (second closest thing to perfection in my life though), mother, any biological relative, romantic partner (sadly), nor classmate. In fact, I don’t even know her, because…
She doesn’t exist! I am sorry…
Martin, Pablo. “Confused Nick Young Meme.” Redbubble, https://www.redbubble.com/people/rustysp00ns/works/30475316-confused-nick-young-meme?p=art-print
Whether you are hurt by this top 10 betrayal or slightly grin at the stupidity of me writing 300 words about nothing, I hereby invite you to reread those 300 words (I know). Then, think about how many times in your life, as a student, have you desired to become as perfect as her. How many times have you been jealous of others’ merits and “wondered why God forgot to close a window for him/her”? How many times have you dreamed about being perfect then felt “somewhat resigned by your incompetence”?
Many times, I assume. Yet, in the end, that ideal version of yourself would always wane; no matter how fast you think you were running toward it, it all felt like infant steps behind her back as she faded in front of your eyes. Perfection is “the orgastic green light that year by year recedes before us.” (Fitzgerald 180) She’s the ghost, the disillusion that year by year haunted me.
I was once a pursuer of perfection, mindlessly chasing after perfect scores in every single field. I once viewed perfection as the lone confirmation of self-worth, secretly cursing at any careless mistakes. I must admit it was a tiring yet unrewarding experience. Even with that, I remained hopelessly far from what I envisioned myself to be. My advice? Don’t try to be perfect, it’s a dream not worth chasing.
==> FAKE NEWS
Ed Sheeran. “Ed Sheeran – Perfect (Official Music Video).” Youtube. Web. Sep. 13, 2018.
Mr. Bishop often tells me that “you can’t control everything in your college applications.” Once in a while, substitute college applications with life, and boy!, life becomes so much easier yet equally fulfilling.
One question remains though. If you could, without perceptible effort, be perfect, would you? See you next time.