Month: February 2021

Over the past few months, I was given the wonderful opportunity to learn about and further my understanding of myself and the medical field by working at Jenn-Liang Medical Clinic on weekends and during weekdays. Here is a final reflection of my thoughts on how the internship went, how I grew, and what this internship meant to me.

Short Reflections Throughout the Process:

1. Flipgrid Reflection 1 
2. Flipgrid Reflection 2

Learning Goal ATLs:

1. Practice “bouncing back” after adversity, mistakes, and failures (Self-management)
2. Identify trends and forecast possibilities (Thinking)

I think bouncing back after adversity was definitely something it took a while for me to learn, and I would say I’m definitely nowhere near to perfecting that aspect of my life yet. But being at the clinic and being new made me have to constantly get used to making mistakes and being faced with situations that I didn’t particularly know how to solve. Sometimes when patients ask unexpected questions I didn’t know how to answer or the blood pressure machines fail in front of them, of course it was embarrassing for me, but I didn’t even have time to dwell too much on my mistakes because I had to put on a false sense of confidence and come up with a solution or an answer that satisfied them. Ultimately, a lot of what being in the medical field is, is to reassure your patients that they’re okay, and so even when I thought I was failing or making a mistake, I had to learn not to let that show through. I think by the end, I grew thicker skin, especially to making mistakes and asking questions that could lead me to feeling like I failed a task, but it was definitely a lot easier to overcome than when I had first started out. Also, because I wasn’t as good at Chinese as I should’ve been to work there, I definitely had to pick up on trends and possible outcomes very early on. I slowly picked up different tips and tricks for working there and recognizing the different trends. For example, we had to take their temperatures and blood pressures in the order their insurance cards were lined up, but if I couldn’t read their names when working reception, then I had to memorize the order in which the patients came through the door so I could take their temperatures in the right order. Or instead of looking at their names when matching the files to the person’s insurance cards, I would search for the files by looking at their insurance card numbers because it was much easier and efficient for me to recognize that instead of searching for names. I think the daily life of the clinic and the stability of knowing what kind of work laid in front of me for the day also helped me to be able to identify those trends and adapt accordingly.

I think the most impactful moment at the clinic was when there came in an elderly couple who walked into the doctor’s office (where I was shadowing that day) with the elderly man’s hands on the shoulders of his wife, who walked in front of him. They were walking slowly, clearly struggling and backs hunched, but there was a jovial way in which they carried themselves, which became evident as soon as the elderly woman talked. I had known my whole life that I have a soft spot for elderly people, and after seeing so many in the clinic already, I already have had to desensitize myself slightly  in order to not get too attached to every person that walks into the clinic. But in the middle of a Sunday morning, after having sat in the office and seen the doctor conference with what had to be over 25 patients at that point, I was suddenly jolted awake by their presence. When the women sat her husband down, who had been struggling with digestion and insomnia, and started to animatedly talk to the doctor with more enthusiasm than I would expect from a elderly woman was dealing with her own health issues, I was shocked to see her talking to the doctor with such a friendly and happy attitude. The doctor prescribed the man a shot (with nutrients to boost his energy), prescribed some medicine, and sent them to the back to get the shot. Obviously, I got up and opened the door for them and the elderly lady smiled and thanked me before they slowly made their way towards the back. I remember thinking throughout the entire consultation that I was sad because of their situation and I felt frustrated I (and the clinic) couldn’t do much else for them. When the doctor and I were having a discussion later on, he said to me that yes, an important part of being a doctor is having a good relationship with your patients, and yes, it’s sad that there’s not much else we can do for them, but sometimes, at certain points in the medical field, there’s not much else you can do. I think this moment impacted me the most because firstly, I really like elderly people and I think they deserve to live a life free of such ailing pains, especially after having already worked so hard for a lifetime. Also secondly, I think it hit on a lot of reasons why I wanted to work in medicine in the first place, but I was also confronted by the realizations that I’m not going to be able to help everyone, and that I needed to come to terms with being able to set aside my emotions and sympathy in order to be a good doctor for them (which I saw my mentor able to do, and was also the message in the discussions we had).

Interestingly, a lot of why I joined this internship was because I didn’t know if medicine was something that I wanted to do, and I honestly didn’t think that I would find an answer during this internship. But, even though I went through a lot of ups and downs through this internship regarding thinking if I liked it, if I think I could work in this environment in the future, if I wanted to put myself through all those years of medical school to pursue this, the internship definitely made things a lot more clear for me. It introduced me to a lot of different jobs within the medical field itself, and I saw another side of it, not just a large hospital with thousands of patients. I saw first hand how science could be applied practically and how easy it could be. I would say that now, I’m pretty interested in actually pursuing medicine, not for the sake of someone else, but because I was introduced to its humanity and the different dimensions of what it can be, other than a stereotypical large hospital. If I go into medicine in the future, I would be proud to say that I would be doing it for my own sake and interests.

As they say, fake it till you make it. I think in the whole process of applying and interning, I had to reinvent myself or adopt some sense of false confidence in what I was doing. I had completely no idea what I was doing, and that was the fear. It was a fear of not knowing, and therefore, not being able to do something well, which is ironic because the whole purpose of the internship is to learn. In the interviews, I had to find ways to portray myself in the best light possible and show off my best characteristics. In the clinic, I had to put on an air of confidence in front of the patients and nurses. Even at home, when communicating with my mentors, I had to look like I was in complete control of my schedule and knew what I was talking about. There was a lot of what felt like pretending at first. But as time wore on, I think that pretending either became a part of me, or rather it was me all along, and I just magnified that part of my personality, because I did gradually become the more confident person that I kept having to be. So I think that mindset of thinking you can actually do it goes along way in how well you’re able to do it, and how well I think I ended my internship experience. Sure it wasn’t always smooth sailing, especially at the beginning and middle when I had no idea what I was doing, but the more I learned, the more confident in myself I could become.

I think the most unexpected insight in this experience was how interactive my mentors and the other staff at the clinic were with not only their patients, but us as interns. They remembered the patients that came by regularly and asked them about how their health was progressing, the doctor bought food for the people that were working, the nurses had conversations with us when business was slow. They showed so much compassion and friendliness with us and the patients that it felt like a completely different world than what I was expecting. They didn’t get angry when we made a mistake, encouraged us to ask questions, and never made us feel like we were bothering them when so clearly, they could finish their work faster if we weren’t there. I think I saw a different side to the nurses and doctors than I would have thought I would see, and their whole demeanor made my experience at the clinic, and my perceptions of what hospital life is like, much better and warmer than I could ever thank them for.