header credits: Christine Willison
What if, I’m really just a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies?
Honestly, I have been pushing myself to be a perfect person. I had always tried to push myself to try my best on everything although I actually get distracted by a lot of things easily. I can force myself to sleep at six in the morning to make my project perfect. Maybe I had always been overrating myself since I ain’t as good as I thought. I would admit my lack of confidence, enthusiasm, and perseverance is the barriers in my entire life. What’s reality? Some say it’s cruel enough to make one heartbroken while others say it’s what we should be finding through our whole life. I would say it’s what we are going through every single day.
Preached, encouraged, and lectured, being positive and happy seemed to be something we expect ourselves to fulfill. However, we all know happy ever after never exist in what we’ve called reality. Then what’s the point being so positive? Well, I’m not being a sadist or something right now, but isn’t it true that what we’ve called happiness may be a lie sometimes? What would be hiding behind such a life that’s happy enough to seem fake? I was positive. The positivity was too much that it could be called narcissism. I expected myself to be a perfect person. I expected there are no haters out there as I fulfill their ‘expectations’. Nonetheless, everything is so vague and fragile. Who knows what can change in one single second? So, afterward, through reality, the perfectionist in me no longer exist.
Never really about anyone or anything
“Living your life to the fullest” seems like a myth
Still, we are soundly breathing
in the way we tend to live with
It was your heart that locks
It shuts, and the words never flow
Trying too hard to prove yourself orthodox
is just creating more wounds for you to sew